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The times they are a changin'

Well, I moved in with theome finally!

Took long enough but it I'm glad to be here ^_^. So yeah, now I'm located in Louisville, KY.  Its a big change for me as I have been in PA my whole life, and this is my first move. It will take a while to get used to but I have the softest shoulder to lean on when I need comfort <3

In other news, Codex the suit is retired until further notice. He's just too beat up and hard to wear anymore, and I'll be making 2.0 after I finish up some other suit loose ends that I have to work on for others. I really miss him so hopefully the wait wont be long.

In November I found out my dad needed a quintuple bypass on his heart... that wasn't the best of news, especially after dealing with a very low threat bladder cancer that hes been dealing with and hopefully finally free of.  The whole family kinda recoiled into emergency mode after that. He had the surgery and came out of it just fine, and is well on the road to recovery faster than the docs even expected. Its just so weird since hes never been severely overweight or eaten poorly. It triggered me to really look at my life too, and start making decisions to better myself and help last as long as I can. Since then I have changed my diet and the way I look at and consume foods, and have dropped to around 230 from 250+ in only a few short months! And that's only with calorie counting, no crazy fad diets or super exercise.

Right before Christmas, still dealing with my Dad's recovery, my Mom became deathly ill with a lung infection that she is only now recovering from. She couldn't breathe without O2 and needed to be in the hospital 2 times during her recovery. The docs were concerned enough they thought it might not be an infection and could have possibly been the big "C". She was a long time smoker of 45+ years and finally quit about 5 years ago or more. They did a biopsy and didn't find anything but the regular infection, so that was a BIG relief, especially RIGHT before my move. Now tho, since she doesn't have insurance, she has racked up a pretty large medical bill that I'm hoping they can get some assistance for soon. She was denied assistance insurance because my dad "makes too much" on Social Security which is absolute bull. Now we are hoping she qualifies for charity assistance...

In between all this was some conventions, MFF, FF, AC. Had a lot of fun and met new awesome people and got closer to some friends. Had alot of life changing/affirming moments that just leave you speechless.  All in all I love cons and am really looking forward to FCN after having to skip FC.

One regret I have leaving Pittsburgh, is leaving one friendship hanging.  I never meant to give you the impression that I was being a "friend of convenience." With ALL that has been happening over the last year I haven't been the most attentive and for that I truly apologize. I just hope that the next time we are at a con together we can still talk and be friends, and if not then I have nothing but the best wishes for you for the future.

So yeah, there you have it. Thats been my life pretty much since the last journal.


Short recap of FC2011


Thanks to everyone for making it special ^_^
Also thanks to theome ... I asked him to marry me... and he said YES!
I'm engaged... wow. Who knew that going public in furry in 2007 would lead to this wonderful moment.
I'm so thankful to have such amazing friends and such an outstanding partner... I love you hun <3

Might post more about the con at a later date.

Thank you.

Thank you all for your comments, the overwhelmingly good and even the few bad. I know I have some things that I have to work on, and some misconceptions to clear up, and I'm hoping that I will work through them quickly.

Thank you all for being such good friends, It really means alot. <3

Also I'm officially an Uncle! Krystabella Raven Clutter, my new neice, born on Oct 1st at 1:47am.

I get to be the cool gay uncle :P
And probably show her all the cartoons I grew up with as a kid as well.

I'm sorry...

...if I came across as being a flake.
...if I have let our friendship linger.
...if I come across as being concerned with popularity.
...if it seems like our friendship was formed out of my own desires.
...if I came across as wanting intimacy when it wasn't appropriate.
...if I have wronged you in any way.

To all my friends, the people I talk to every day, the people that I used to talk to every day, the people that I wish I talked to more. I'm sorry. I really want all of you to know that I genuinely care about all of you.  This is not some fake caring that's just there for appearances.  I worry when you guys get hurt, are sad, can't get what you want, are in trouble.

I sometimes get enthusiastic about getting the chance to do the things that I want or that I never thought I would ever get to try.  If that has ever came across like that is the only reason I talk to you, I am sorry and it is not.  I also finally after years of oppression of my own sexuality, finally have an outlet for the things that I'm into. I have an absolutely wonderful boyfriend that I love with every fiber of my being, something that I thought I would never have in life. I also am allowed to explore with other trusted friends as well. If I have EVER come off as being too forward/open to you in that respect in any way, I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I never meant to jeopardize a friendship in that way, and I want you to know that I never meant any disrespect in that way.

I want anyone reading this that might have felt wronged in any way to leave a comment (they are screened and wont be shown). Be brutally honest please and dont blow smoke up my ass about things being fine.  I want to know how I might have done something to make it seem like I was a bad friend or inconsiderate.  I want the chance to talk to you one on one and work out what ever problem there might be, real, imaginary, or otherwise. I want to hear from anyone that might wanna say that there is nothing wrong with our friendship and just wants to reiterate that fact.

It's 1:26am, my self-esteem is shot, i have to work at 8am, they cut my hours this week to only 6... and I have no confidence at the moment.

My sister is in labor with the first grandchild in the family... and I feel like a kicked dog.

I'm sorry.
Thank you for reading.

Goin to AC!

...because I'm like 25 miles away it would be stupid not to :P Ill be seeing you all a little later since I'll be at the hotel tonight to monday.  All you guys that have my cell number, ill hit you up with my room number when that happens!

So ok I guess that some updates are in order.
Well first of all, some weeks after AC I went to Milwaukee to hang out with the awesome that is hegdish baconcoyote and drakeduck . That was a super fun time and I can't wait to get up there for another visit!

Then sometime after that was a trip down to Louisville, KY to visit theome and help him make a duct tape dummy for a forthcoming fursuit. I've got to get back down there asap!

One of my best friends topher_fox moved to Pittsburgh to pursue an education in airframe mechanics at PIA. It's awesome having him so close now so we can chill out and cause shenanigans :P

Halloween was spent at the house of kwik in Columbus, hanging out and then going out to a giant block party downtown in fursuit! That was a fun time but a LOOOOONG walk in suit. Got to meet a ton of awesome people and spend some more time with Theome.

MFF was pretty laid back this year. No endurance fursuiting this year :P Roomed with the Milwaukee crew and got to spend some quality time getting to know a few people better and making new friends. Also got to hang out more with tastyeagle which is always choice!  Wore fauxpawroo 's suit FauxPaw and she wore Didge, that was a super fun outing! I love swapping suits with people ^_^ Maybe some day I'll catch up to yippee 's record :P Speaking of which, he got to jump into Codex for a little while and nab number 100 on his list of worn suits! It was an honor and a privilege sir :D  OH, and I TOTALLY stopped out of my way to get a real Chicago style hotdog from SUPERDAWG, mmmmm so good.

Thanksgiving, I ate a HUGE meal with family here at home, then that weekend, drove out to Columbus to have even MORE food and to hang out with friends at fordshepherd 's place. MORE new friends acquired and a few more hours hanging out with Jimmy before he had to return to the land of California, and with Theome before he had to go back to the south :P

As of right now I'm just sitting here on one of my few recent days off, trying to recover from this back breaking work. I never knew that a retail job could be so painful.  Also the fact that the new management are ASSHOLES, and have totally destroyed all our morale and the familylike atmosphere that was around before the change. Way to go dicks.

Not to long ago my father was diagnosed with bladder cancer. When I got that call it shook me a bit. I just laid there in bed in silence, not able to think or say anything.  So far the outlook is super positive though. They went in and took out the growth, and now they are doing light chemo to his bladder, in fact he went in today for another treatment. They are pretty sure that he will be just fine, which so far is a huge relief to me and my family.

Another big life event is that I'm in a relationship now.... yeah I never thought that would happen actually. Theome and I had been seeing how things were going for the last few months between us and if we were compatible, and as of last week we have made it official ^_^  So now I guess I have a boyfriend... weird huh? ;)  Totally <3 him tho!

I even got us a Christmas/Hanukkah gift from RaccoonDrew: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3160708/
He does such a great job of cute pudgy goodness :P

So Christmas will be spent here with family as always, New Years will be spent in Columbus yet again with Theome, at Kwik's NYE bash!  I'm really looking forward to that. Then in January MOTHERFUCKIN FURTHER CONFUSION BITCHES!!!!!!1!!1111.... *cough* ahem... sorry for that. If I was to say that I was looking forward to that it would be a massive understatement.  I've never been to the west coast before and there are plenty of friends that will be there that I have never met face to face. EXCITED!

Con plans for this coming year seem to be so far:
FWA (tentatively)
MFM (tentatively)

Also I'm starting to take fursuit commissions as well, got 3 or so in the oven hopefully to all be done by March or so, then one for ME, then more :P

So that's it! Maybe next time I can go a little less time between updates >.< (Twitter is partially to blame for that: http://twitter.com/codexrau)
Arito is selling Ziggy, the amazing ratsuit he built for AC this year.


Go check it out and bid early and often :P

Attn Spatsbear

An incredibly old television that I KNOW you will want to see :P




Yeah... I don't know how much I'm gonna use it till i get a new phone, but whatever there it is YOU DAMN PEOPLE. :P